COCA COLA D:

I have no coca cola D:

And I have to study for Maths test that I have tomorrow, write this stupid essay for the day after tomorrow, and then have another stupid test on Friday. I AM SO SCREWED.

And I don't care at all.

Grand.

ALL I WANT IS COCA COLA?!

IS THAT SO FRICKIN' HARD?! D:

Stupid world -__-;

They should make up a new system so you get coca cola delivered at your door when you want it.

Bastards!

I fail school! YAY! xD

Well, bah, screw that. I'm going to get a 5 at this stupid essay. So I need to concentrate now. Bye bye <3

So, my new obsession. You’re all probably very excited about what it might be, and I must agree, it is a bit exciting! My new obsession is not drugs, no, not alcohol, not chocolate, not a human being, no, no, no! You will never guess. For it is a manga series. And now you’re thinking, “Geez, another Narutard,” or that I have fallen madly in love with InuYashaorsomething. But that is not the case. I have fallen madly in love with MPD Psycho. And to top this obsession I found today the intro song of the miniseries, and this song is listed as a song by “Lucy Monostone” himself.

For you who have not read the manga or have any connection with MPD Psycho, I do not expect you to understand. But this song supposedly triggers something within the people with the barcodes on their eyes, and they then go on a raging killing-spree. Well, some of them are more calculated than other, of course, but still. Oh, it is glorious!

“Lucy Monostone was, in the world of MPD, a male flower power-era musician-slash-terrorist; think Charles Manson with dynamite.”

I quote some dude from some website. I think it is an accurate picture of Lucy Monostone. The manga is very complex, which is probably why I enjoy so much. But this song, it is actually GOOD! I mean, this song makes me think of hippies, waves, brutal murders, flower children, and all sorts of nice things! Which is why you should all listen to it.

So here’s a fanvideo with clips from the sucky Miniseries based on the WONDERFUL Manga, the song in the background is the song supposedly made by Lucy Monostone:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1CdjzoD_ys

Kan MPD skyldes overvirkning av den høyre hjernehalvdel? Eller en splittelse i bakre hjernehalvdel?

Lyrics:
'If death is sleep,why do you die with your eyes open?

Welcome to the end of days, of lust and confusion
Abandon all your wicked ways, your tired-out illusion

You were not the same man that you were just a moment ago, no, you burn like a fire

The moment holds you by the hand, it goes on forever
the whole world there in a grain of sand
it's now or never

Stretched, like a rubber band,about to sever

It leaves you floating free

CHORUS:

The same blue sky in a strange new world
The same blue sky in a strange new world
The same blue sky in a strange new world

Spinning 'round(Turning 'round)
Spinning 'round(Spinning)

Out beyond the horizon, where the gods await.

Past is vast open sea, of virtue and drifting.
A spell they call history, now has been lifted

Every step, taken, brings you here, like the pulse on the line of a telephone wire

How many nights, has it been,that you have sought her? She comes and enters your heart like a dream of some late evening's daughter

And pulls you apart like a beam of light going through water

and now at last you see

CHORUS X 2

Spinning 'round(turning 'round)
Spinning 'round(spinning)

Our whole life is practice, for that last breath

O strange new world'

I'm feeling like I should be sad. Which I am. But more sad. Which I couldn't be. But I mean, I feel, no wait, this doesn't sound right. Umm. EVERYONE ELSE CONTINUES TO WHINE! Not ONE person has asked me how I'm doing this week. I mean, not the "How you doing?" And then the empty look that is telling me that the only answer is, "Fine." I'm fed up. I want to smash someone's head in, I want to beat someone to death, kick them in the guts until they spit blood and then smash their head against the floor. I just want to get it all out! Get it away! But no, it has to stay in there, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. But my God, people have been annoying me today. I haven't been able to be nice AT ALL. Shit man, I walked out on a friend of mine who was feeling bad simply because I couldn't be bothered to listen to her issues. Which is so mean. I just felt so blank that I walked out of the room.

I think next week is going to be better though. The aggression comes in waves, so it should be gone by Saturday. I hope. I don't think so. I can't think. My head is clogged, nothing gets in and nothing gets out. I can't blurt out what I'm feeling to ANYONE, because that would make me feel weak...

I think I'll just try to pretend I'm a-ok. After a while I might be able to make myself believe I'm ok. FUCK!

I can't be bothered with this. It all sucks.

I hate it. Hate it all. Stupid.

Shit man, I can't even write proper sentences because of my clogged-brain.

Fuck.

This isn't helping. Maybe sleep will make my brain return to standard functions.

I'm looking forward to... I'm not looking forward to anything. Easter Holidays? That's quite a while. Almost four months.

Aw fuck it. I need some coca cola.

<3

I killed my alter-ego.
I stopped looking for the bottom.
I turned my back to the bottom.
I reversed the downward spiral, I'm finally going upwards.
I'm so tired I might pass out, but I'm still happy.
I've realized that self-destruction isn't the answer for me.
I can't be bothered being depressed.
I shall concentrate on happy and good stuff from now on.

I am happy and pleased with my life <3



Today I shall make a list of all my favorite things on C!

Coffee
Chocolate
Coca Cola
Coca Cola Light
Cute and Cuddly stuff
Candy
Colours
Chalk
Christmas-vacation (no school <3)
China
Candles
Condoms (a brilliant invention for us who aren't all too keen on stuffing our body full with hormones just yet xD)
Cinemas
Castor Troy
Curls
Chillin'




Blow into this paper bag
Go home and stop grinning at everyone
Blow into this paper bag
Go home and stop grinning at everyone

It was nice when it lasted but now it's gone
It was nice when it lasted but now it's gone

Blow into this paper bag

Take your armour off, you're not under attack
Take your armour off, you're not under attack

Come on, come on

Blow into this paper bag
Go home and stop grinning at everyone
Blow into this paper bag
Go home and stop grinning at everyone

Like they were honeybees or a plague of rats
Take your armour off, you're not under attack

Blow into this paper bag
Blow into this paper bag
~"Paperbag Writer" by Radiohead

Fight Club.
I've only read about a hundred pages in the 200 paged book. But I love it. It just eat me up. And ever after I saw the movie a while ago, and I found the song which is just Brad Pitt talking and some whacko music in the background, I realized that I've been trying to reach bottom my entire life. But I, as Marla, believed that I had hit bottom, so to quote Tyler, "Where you are now, you can't imagine what the bottom will be like." Saying that Fight Club goes to your mind is an underestimation. It becomes you, or rather, you become it. I see so many similarities between myself and Marla, that I am at times, scared shitless. But every time I put the book down, I feel like I have to read it again, and I wish that the sentences would never end for they are perfect.

And to those who thought Marla was bad/insane in the movie, you have no idea how bad she is in the book. I mean, just read the quotes, some of them display her madness. And the whole thing about pouring lye on your hand, guess who also did that in the book. Yes, Marla has a scar like that. And she is always burning herself with cigarettes and acting all crazy. They also keep on hinting that she has cancer, for she has a lump just beneath her breast. She went to get it checked once, but she doesn't have insurance, and because all the people there looked so depressed and shit, she decided she didn't want to know if she was going to die or not. Hard-core!

I fell asleep at school on Friday and when I woke up my first though was, "WHAT THE FUCK?! This isn't paper street!" And then it took me two minutes or so before I realized that I was indeed me and that I was at school. It was kinda disturbing. Today I was also wondering if I should burn myself with a cigarette. And then I hit myself in the stomach. Just to see if it hurt. Didn't hurt that much, but it stung a bit afterwards. I was also wondering if I should just throw a punch at my own face. But that seemed like a bad idea. So I don't think I really do want to hit the bottom after all. I'm pretty pleased with how I am at this moment. Except school. I could smack those bitches easily. -__-;

I've been studying for tests today and yesterday, it's not doing all too well because my concentration = 0. As usually. I mean, what a grand surprise! I'm shocked and stunned by these awful news that I, the little wannabe-Marla, has no concentration!


And now some some other interesting, not Fight Club news. I looked through some of the shit I've written the past few years and I realized that My God! I have made some whacko characters throughout the ages. I found this really cool story, it was only on three pages, it was the beginning really. I read the first two pages and I was all like, "OH MY GAWD! THIS CHARACTER IS COOL!" And then she drowns and dies. -__-; I mean, I was probably planning two years back that I should kill that girl off because she was cool. I got so annoyed with myself I almost deleted the story. But the beginning was so cool anyways. I also found this Word-document that just had four small scenes written down. Made no sense at all. I loved it <3

I've been wondering if I should post some of the shit I've written here sometime. I mean, I do write a lot (=O), so why not. No one else gets to see it, and not many have the link to this shit blog. So hah! In your face mafakka!

Oh, tests, I have to study now. -__-;

"HIDEOUSLY WRINKLED
PLEASE HELP"

May I never be complete.
May I never be content.
May I never be perfect.

Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.
Tyler never knew his father.
Maybe self-destruction is the answer.

Marla said she wanted to get pregnant. Marla said she wanted to have Tyler's abortion.

The girl is infectious human waste, and she's confused and afraid to commit to the wrong thing so she won't commit to anything.

Ever since collage, I make friends. They get married. I lose friends.
Fine.
Neat, I say.

Everything is nothing.

"I embrace my own festering diseased corruption," Marla tells the cherry on the end of her cigarette. Marla twists the cigarette into the soft white belly of her arm. "Burn, witch, burn."

Tyler says, "At least Marla's trying to hit bottom."

I should be running towards disaster. I can't just play it safe anymore.

Only after disaster can we be resurrected.

The kiss shines on the back of my hand.
(...) And Tyler pours the lye.

We made soap out if it. Her. Marla's mother.

Around and around the first floor, Marla runs after me, skidding on the corners, pushing off against the window casings for momentum. Slipping.

The morning after we found her second lump, Marla hopped into the kitchen with both legs in one leg of her pantyhose and said, "Look, I'm a mermaid."

Marla's philosophy of life, she told me, is that she can die any moment. The tragedy of her life is that she doesn't.

Nothing is static. Everything is falling apart.

Marla's heart looked the way my face was. The crap and the trash of the world. Post-consumer human butt wipe that no one would ever go to the trouble to recycle.

I am not FRAGILE!

I just really want to underline that, so once more:
NOT FRAGILE
I mean, sure, don't toss me around like a rag-doll, but I will get pissed if people are scared of telling me the truth because they think it will hurt me. Sure, it might, but big news little man: I will survive! Someone telling me I'm a bitch will not make me cry. I hear it quite often actually. <3~

So let's start with the bad news: A friend of mine, or rather a friend of a friend of mine, a very pleasant girl was recently diagnosed with cancer. When I heard that I just sat still for a few minutes, I wasn't sure how to react or what to think. But I've decided that I'm going to go for the pleasant version, for really, she has a 70-80% chance at surviving, so I don't think it's all that much stress. But the next year is going to be really tough for her. I'm glad she has really good friends that will help her through this time. I think she'll manage. ^^

Anyways, musicly I'm feeling quite cherry keen (peachy keen reminds me of lesbians). I've fallen in love with a new band, this time it's Beirut. I've been thinking about them since the beginning of May when I saw this interview with the singer. He was so adorable and I just wanted to crush him with a hug filled with candy and cuteness (yes, I like those two words). And yesterday a friend of mine and I were sitting on the subway, she wanted to listen to a song I had on my iPod so I borrowed hers while she borrowed mine. Looking through her music I found Beirut. I was shocked, and extremely pleased! I listened to one and my eyes looked something like this:
<3_<3
I love Beirut!
I love a lot of bands actually, but Beirut is the first one in ages that have brought me really close to crying (some of songs that have made me cry are: Song Seven by Interpol, Take You on a Cruise by Interpol, Scale by Interpol, Pyramid Song by Radiohead, We Suck Young Blood by Radiohead, Kid A by Radiohead, Spinning Plated by Radiohead, Dollars & Cents by Radiohead... There is a reason Radiohead is my ultimate favorite band <3~)

But anyways, so let's look at my musical development this week. I started neatly of with Cat Power a week ago. Very chill, a mix between PJ Harvey and Tori Amos. She has the softness that Tori Amos has in some of her songs, but Cat Power's voice is very special, kinda like PJ Harvey's. And she made me think of PJ Harvey. So I listened a bit to those artists as well over the weekend. By Monday I was back on Mindless Self-Indulgence. Mostly because it was a Monday and I hate Mondays. Nine Inch Nails was also present in the wee hour of the morning. Then my dear friend Martin sent me a link to a very interesting song on Youtube. It was called Habibi, by Orange Blossom. I got goose-bumps, so I was very quickly at the "OMG <3" stage. He then sent me a link to the torrent that had the whole CD. My Wednesday, Thursday and beginning of Friday were highly influenced by Orange Blossom. I'm not quite sure how to classify them, but they're something of a mix between New-Age, Arabic, Electronica. Did that make sense? Well, check them out on Youtube if you're in doubt. On Thursday I also received some interesting Persian songs from a friend of mine. But they didn't quite grab me like Orange Blossom. But anyways, today I finally downloaded Beirut's CD. You might be thinking "OH NOES, SHE STEALS MUSIC!" but trust me, when I have enough money, I am buying that CD! For it is beyond beautiful, it is magnificent, it is perfect! I think this might be the CD that will get me through these difficult times and this depressing winter. Last year I had Interpol, and my God I'm glad Interpol was there for me, I'm hoping Beirut can be my Hero this winter.

So yes, updates on school:
IT'S GOING TO HEEEEEEEEEEEELL!

I've been trying to study ALL DAY, but I get distracted SOO quickly. I made incense, you know, stuff you throw on open fires and good smell appears <3 And I played the piano, and I talked to my mom and played games, and then I called my boyfriend, and then I got online and started listening to Beirut. I mean, I'm sorry, but I don't give a shit. Stressing with these stupid tests when I know I will not be able to learn it all in time, and I know I'm going to die, and tomorrow I am going to be so stressed I'll probably cry or get drunk. No wait, Hah! I'm not fragile, so guess what!

I'LL MANAGE! =D

Shit, I have Beirut! Postcards From Italy is the song that can get me through anything. I haven't felt this happy for God knows how long. You should all listen to Beirut, it makes you happy. Makes me happy at least. BEIRUT <3~



Life's good, I don't want to hit the bottom anymore
<3

"I never meant to be the needle that broke your Back"

That doesn't work for me. I'm sorry. I obviously fail at the nice department. The next shelf should be filled with home-made-cookies cookies. If you do not like poison I would advise you to take five steps to the left to the cuddly teddy-bears. They are... cuddly.

Other interesting news. I am not insane. Thank you dear mentality! And on a happier note, I have something to do this Halloween. I will be watching Shaun of the Dead with my friend A and her boyfriend! ^^ He's really nice, and I'm very happy he doesn't hate me. A and I called him when we were drunk once and I went like, "DUDE! I MADE OUT WITH YOUR GIIIIRLFRIIIIEEEEEEND!" and then I accidentally called him Fredrik, because I had been talking to Fredrik on the phone a bit earlier. So yeah. But he's nice, and A says he likes me! ^^ So It should be fun. Shaun of the Dead <3 It's a zombie movie. But it's so silly and wacko <3 So much fun! And a few gross scenes, but all in the good name of Dark-humor!

Which reminds me of Blackadder! Yes, one of my favorite shows. I must say! Captain Darling is such a blast <3 And of course, all the other characters! They are so cute and cuddly. Like those teddy-bears. But let's move back to the poison department for I suddenly felt like eating sushi. And according to my mum, SUSHI KILLS YOU! Kinda. More like, "SUSHI MIGHT KILL YOU WHEN IT FEELS LIKE IT!" So remember kids:

If Sushi is having a bad week, or feeling blue, don't eat it! It might decide to drag you down with it as it commits suicide!

And yes I'm bored. I <3 U 411
If I ever write a Valentines Card it shall say: U R 1337!

I would be really happy if someone made me a Valentines Card that had that written on it. Oh wouldn't it have been fun if it was Valentines Day tomorrow? Then we could all feel gross because the couples were being so sugah-cute! *shivers* But it's Halloween! So now we just have to deal with annoying kids that throw eggs on people -___-;


~Lots of emo-hearts to you <3

My temper is worse than ever. I just feel like tearing everything apart and beating someone to the point where they vanish. These thoughts used to only be visible and the shit I wrote. Now I've stopped writing, and I tend to think "Hmm. Would that person die if I took a gun and shot her nose off?" when I am sitting on the bus. Which is new to me. So, I've decided to pick up an old story, with one of my older characters.

I wrote that on a piece of paper the other day. It scare me a bit, so I decided that getting drunk on a Sunday was the ultimate cure for my moment of insanity. And I would like to apologize, for I seem to have written that no one reads this shit, but apparently Dennis does! All emo-hearts go out to you (this is an emo-heart btw: <3 ) It will be arriving in your mail box soon =D I know where you live... *cough* Yes, I’m stalking you, you cute little thing. Rawr.

Anyways. My drunk Sunday. It was the perfect plan, until I screwed it up of course. You see, that’s what I do. That is my speciality. Some might have a speciality like: “I can play the piano for forty-nine hours in a row without taking a break to go pee!” I on the other hand can fuck every friendship up within four minutes. Jealous? I know you are! For you see, the moment my alter-ego Ananta breaks through (most of the time due to alcohol), she finds it highly entertaining to threaten, mentally abuse and hurt her so called friends. Which is why I prefer to drink alone. Then I can have sophisticated conversations with myself. For someone once told me: “Hoe shit! If you don’t talk to yourself, YOU MAD!” I’m not quite sure I’m buying that.

Anyways, I fucked things up, yet again. I felt down the drain, was washed out through the sewer, then swept up by some fisher who threw me onto a couch and flew me back home. So now I’m feeling grand. Except for this soul-eating feeling in my gut. I think it’s eating my soul. (For everybody wants a piece of my world. Everybody wants to suck my... ass!) Do we love Mindless Self-Indulgence? YES WE DO! *dances*

Do do do do do... Damn

Anyways. Third little, cute paragraph I start with the equally cute word. I am feeling sane. Removing the anger, annoyance and bitchyness, I am feeling mighty sane. A small scream for a cigarette though, but that doesn’t count now does it? On the other hand, Edgar told me today that cigarettes/nicotine supposedly increased schizoid shit. Like I care.

Toodles <3

 

I screwed up. School-wise that is, otherwise everything just shit. Not as bad as screwed up, but anyways. I suppose I'm being a tad self-centered lately. Well, in this blog I am mighty self-centered, but I'm not going to apologize for that, for I do pretend that I'm happy and dappy all day long for your amusement don't I? I'll apologize for the bitchyness though. Yes, I know, I'm a cunt. I did apologize to a girl on a party I went to for coming off as a bitch, she said something like "then maybe you should stop?" And at that moment I couldn't quite find an answer except, "neh." But now that I think about it, it's not that I come off as a bitch, it's that I am a bitch. My friends probably don't think of me as a bitch (I hope), but that's because I idolize my friends and I'd walk 500 miles in high-heeled shoes for them. The height of the shoes might vary, but I'd still walk the distance.

I can't help to notice, but every entry I've written seem to have something to do with my friends. I always mention them, even though I secretly hate them all and wish I'd never met them. They do make me feel weak. But at the same time, I really wish I could open my mouth and tell them how much they mean to me. But because of my stubborn and proud arse, that won't be happening. But, I'd like to tell all my friends, who will never get the link to this journal, I love you all. Even the ones that just nag and tell me how dreadful things are, and even the ones that I can't be nice towards because the mere sight bugs me out. Thanks for sticking around bitches <3

Look, I can't even be nice in this blog. I refer to my friends as bitches. How rude isn't that? Oh well, right now I'm so fucked up I'm not sure I even care.

I was going to cut my hair today, but then for some reason I got really scared and I couldn't walk in the door. I just turned around and took the buss home. I'm still not sure why. I wrote the phone number down though. I then ran home with the great intentions of studying for a test. Yes, I was really going to read 80 pages about physics. I couldn't open the door. It took me four minutes before I managed to turn the keys, obviously everything is wrong today. I then walked in and plopped myself down in front of the tellie. Then, for the next three hours or so I watched:
1) Foster's home for Imaginary Friends
2) Friends
3) Scrubs
4) That 70's show
5) Stargate SG-1

THEN, I started studying. I read thirty pages, fell asleep, and woke up. The headache still present. I've been having it on and off for two weeks now. It's getting somewhat annoying. I like to believe it's actually something, and not just my body being a bitch. But my body has been acting bitchy the last three weeks, she just doesn't want to come around. I think she's feeling a bit used. But I think I had a minor break-down in history class today. I couldn't sit still, it felt like I was shaking and time seemed to stop. I then felt the uncontrollable need to sit down on the ground, or turn around, or run around in a circle and scream. So all focus was put on trying not to scream, the headache grew, I had to vomit, I wanted something, but I had no idea what. I tried smoking, that wasn't it, I tried coca cola, didn't help, chocolate? Not that either. Nothing seems to help, and I'm starting to fear what it is I am wanting. Oh and the tiny tantrums.  I just all of a sudden get REALLY pissed off at everyone, and I was such a bitch at school today, I don't understand why people bother to hang around me. And they were all giving me this sympathetic look like they knew what I was going through. I'm glad they know, for I have no idea, and I refuse to accept the only alternative. I'm not THAT weak. Fuck man. I'm a mess. And my concentration is down to below zero, and I can't even remember what I've written above. I'm never present. School is going to hell. Stupid physics test.

Hmm. I feel better now. I love ranting on the interwebs. No one ever reads this shit.

Peace y'all <3

Oh, and here's the music video for "Help me I'm in Hell," by none other than the glorious Nine Inch Nails <3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKSlC3Pa9bI

Sooo, I'm feeling quite lonely and depressed. Well, skip the depressed part and replace it with bored and you have me in a box. Yes, I live in a box now, it's called "my head!" For my head is not round, no it's a box. And as you can see my concentration is not really there.
Anyways.

I got my right ear pierced a week ago or so, just two more holes over the one I already had. It looks mighty sexy, only annoying this is that every time I turn in bed and it gets crushed by the pillow or something, I wake up. So sleep is becoming quite lacking, but as my concentration ability doesn't exist I'm scared that if I get enough sleep I won't be able to feel my feet touch the ground. Yes, I know, FAR OUT MAN!

I'm currently deadly bored. I've been deadly bored for a few days now, maybe weeks, I've lost time, I don't really feel it pass me by anymore. It's a wonderful feeling to wake up one day, believe it's Tuesday to realize it's Saturday. And then you have to concentrate to remember the last four days. But then again, once you remember the days you go like, "Wtf?! How could I forget that, stupid dream messing with my head!" For yes, strange dreams ftw!

Now I've lost all interest for this blog. Darn it. Nothing seems to keep me interested for more than a day or two. What a pity. I hope this is just one of those stupid phases people go trough. xD

Purple hair isn't all that nice all the time. During the past week two people have started talking to me randomly. I mean, people I have never seen before. Number one was a very polite Englishman, I liked him. The second one was an African smoking a joint. He was nice too, only he asked too many personal questions. I lied. I mean, he asked me my name, I altered it to Kristine. He asked me my age, I altered it to "just turned 16". What I am doing this weekend? I'm currently sitting somewhere in the woods getting drunk with my boyfriend. Or so I told him. I don't usually mind talking to strangers, but today has been a very tough day, and starting it like that wasn't all that nice. But, I have started to talk to this new guy, he's cool. He likes NiN, that makes him cool. xP

I'm feeling a bit woozy and empty. I think it's because I just watched Lords of Dogtown and the movie somehow managed to get to me. I am going to draw the conclusion that it is because of the simple fact that I highly dislike society, and in the last few weeks this hate has been growing rapidly. I feel so worn out, like I should be tossed into the bin, for I have lost all ability to concentrate. I promised myself to finish maths today, I haven't even looked at the book, so now I have to do all of that tomorrow. School is obviously back on track without me.

Life is growing paler. God, I feel like such an emo kid today. I think I should go sleep it off now. And tomorrow, I'll clean my room... Or, I'll do maths and then MAYBE clean my room. God, I really am THAT lazy. -_-;

Night all <3

I just watched a program on National Geographics about The Book of Revelations. I am Christian, and every time I watch or listen to programs that are discussing such things I get a certain feeling inside me that I can not quite describe. It's like being in love, but nervous about it, and it's not really love for I doubt it, and, hmm, not sure. But I suppose that is what being religious is about even though I highly doubt quite a number of things that are written in the Bible. But I haven't read it myself, so I've decided that I have to read the Bible soon. But I'm quite the bad Christian. I swear, I think bad thoughts about my parents, I have probably broken quite a number of laws and whatnot that the Bible speak of, but that is not what I want to write about here.

I want to write a bit about The Rapture. The Rapture is the part of the Bible where it goes "OH MY GAWD! ALL PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE GO TO HEAVEN NOW! EVERYONE ELSE... YOU BELONG TO HELL NOW!" And then there is a war and lots of people die, but in the end Jesus wins and whatnot. The part that annoys me is the one about people who believe are allowed to go to Heaven, while those who don't are left to rot. I HATE that part. And if I was sucked up to Heaven and my friends were left down here, I would threaten God and I would fight my way back down here to stay with my friends. Because when I think about it, my friends are my family. Of course, blood-relatives on Iceland are my family, but the people I am willing to risk my life for, and the people that make me get up in the morning, are my friends. I force myself out of bed in the mornings because I know I will see some of the people I really care about at school, and to prove to myself that no matter how much I miss someone I will manage. I keep on saying to myself that I will manage on my own and whatnot, but to be quite honest, I would be dead if it wasn't for my friends. I don't see them all of them as often as I wish, but knowing that someone out there gives a fuck, and that if I should get into troubles they will be there for me is maybe the best feeling of all time.

What I wrote above might seem like a big bundle of shit. Or, badly written. But, I'm just trying to make a point without appearing like a total squishy little tomato. It took me a TV program about the end of the world to finally admit this, but I love my friends, and I don't know what to do without them. I have a lot of good friends, and there are several people I would be willing to risk my life for. I have ten friends that I am willing to do just about anything for. And by God, you all freak me out sometimes! Anyways...

The RAPTURE! Well, it's a good band, but the idea can go fuck itself. I don't mean to appear like a bad person here, but I HATE the idea with a passion. And if that is truly what will happen in the end, then fuck it, I want to stay here and be tortured in hell with my friends rather than to be enjoying the good life up in Heaven. Yes, yes, I know, perfect world at the end and whatnot, but I'd rather stay here and fight for this fucked up world that I love just as much as I hate. For yes, I love life, I hate it, but I love it. I hate society, but I love it as well, I hate the school system, but I wouldn't have done it any other way.

And I have no idea why I'm being so LOVEY-DOVEY today. It's highly annoying. Well, we can all relax. In an hour or two I will return to my normal calm, "I can live on my own for all eternity" ways.

I hope.

I think I slept it off.

I went drinking with a few of my friends yesterday, it was nice even though I felt quite sober all the time. I suppose I should have drunk that bottle of wine quicker. But yes, a lot of interesting things happened, but none of them that interesting. Two of my friends (Emil and Hege) ended up vomiting, one had a minor break down and I started smoking again. Well, I don't smoke, I just smoked two cigarettes because it made the wine taste better. It may sound stupid, and I do agree, but the wine tasted terrible. Anyways, the most interesting thing about the entire night though was the dream I had.

I don't quite remember the dream, but later on when we were looking through the TV channels they were showing a program about guns and that made me remember a scene from my dream. I can remember it very well, for I picked up and gun and then walked through these doors to something which may have been a restaurant, and there I found the guy I was supposed to shoot standing and staring at me. He seemed to be laughing when I first spotted him, but once I came closer he got fear in his eyes and I shot him through the neck. I'm not sure why I aimed at the neck, but whatever. I can remember grey smoke, but the rest is gone, but once I was outside again I was missing a thumb and one of my fingers had been split in two, and I had been shot through the palm of my hand creating a small hole. That's all I can remember.

Anyways. I think I know why my bad mood went away. I was laying on Ida-hoe's sofa being all depressed and moody, and not all too keen on the idea of playing some Nintendo Game when I got a text message. It really made me feel a lot better and now I feel quite pleased with everything, except that I still miss him terribly.

I was actually going to this thing called "Klubbrock" up at Bøler today, but I just lost all interest yesterday so I think I'll just stay at home and work on maths or something. I'm so far behind it's not even amusing anymore. I really wish I could magically catch up to everyone again, I'm four pages behind or so. It annoys me as I was hoping to get top grades in maths, but obviously not. Though, I found my happier note: It's September! Meaning, not in all too long I have vacation! ^^ Høstferie FTW! <3 Only 29 days left! Only 20 days of school =D Those days will pass faster than I can spell my own name (which is a long name).

Yes, I feel quite like a little bitch at the moment. My emotions are very bouncy and even though I might feel that life is perfect one moment, I suddenly fall to the deepest pit of despair and I feel the most disgusting feeling of them all. I have purple hair now, it's nice, I'm very pleased with the way it currently looks, and I've gotten loads of complements on it, even though I at times feel like a pink pig. But whatever, generally life is ok, even though we haven't gotten our school books yet.

I've gotten a new friend recently, or rather, Elise saw this guy that she kinda likes and dragged me along when she went to meet him. He's rather cool, the only thing is that he looks quite a lot like my brother, and his behavior reminds me rather much about my brother, who lives in Australia. I miss my brother. I don't say it often, and I try not to think about it that much, but once you start missing someone you start thinking about other people you miss, for example my brother.

On another note, I would like to point out that my old favorite song has once more become my favorite. It's stupid, yes, I must admit, but it's one of those songs that one just must like. I can't quite describe it, you just have to listen to it a few times, and before you know it you're zooming out thinking about things that matter in your life. The song was made back in 1969, but I still feel like it is one of the greatest songs ever created, it balances depression and love so tenderly that it seems 100% real. Yes, sounds squishy doesn't it? But I really love this song. It's called "Nights in White Satin", by The Moody Blues, everyone should listen to that song. It's special.

On a happier note: I have no happy note. I might have one tomorrow, or in a few days, or in a month, but right at this moment I have no happy note. Today has been crap. Really, I don't even see a reason to wake up tomorrow except that Elise has threatened to do stuff to me if I sleep so yeah. Oh well. I'll sleep this bad mood off as always. Right?

So yes, today has been a highly eventful day, just like all other regular days of my life. I mean, even though I might feel a tinsy winsy bit bored and I wonder if anything fun will happen, I end up realizing that I wouldn't have spent my day any other way. Now, the day isn't over yet, but the rain outside makes me feel quite content with sitting here wondering wtf to do.

Aurora just helped me colour my hair. It's not done, but in five hours or so I will have the coolest hair of all time. I am quite looking forward to the result. It might be crap, or might be AWESOME! But I'm still not quite sure, and the fact that I am dead tired makes me realize that I might just have to wash it out tomorrow instead of today, or I have to stay awake until like... 1 am and then wake up at 6 am, and I'm already dead tired >_<;

But yes, purple hair. And today I met quite the interesting fellow, he had cool piercings and was quite amusing. I learned an awesomly cool card trick, I have to show it off to people at some point. Not sure, maybe when I go to Idahoe's place on Friday. Yes, all will be amazed by my AWESOME card skills! =D

But first, I have to write this norwegian essay. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with it, and the pain in my eyes is very annoying so I think I'll just write some after I've eaten dinner and gotten a bit of coffee into my system. I really need something to make me hyper. Something like...  this person I know, he always makes me awake and happy. But I look like an idiot right now, so yeah, screw that idea. And he's not available at the moment anyhow, so it would be pointless to call him, even though I would really like to talk to him. Whatever.  xD

God I feel pathetic. I suppose that is ok though, I mean, before I only felt sadly alone and shit, now I just feel pathetic and... some feeling I can't quite decide what is because my brain has obviously been fighting it for a while. Or maybe it's my body that's been fighting it. Uck. I can't quite decide. Just like I have no idea who is writing here. Is it the brain, the body or the voice? Or maybe it is simply the music that is having this damned effect on me and pulling me down. Or maybe it's the fact that I'm once more playing ball with society when all I want to do is to take a shotgun and blow off it's ugly head. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, but I can't think of anything else I want to do, so I'm going to go and I'm going to sit there and think "Wtf? This was rather pointless!" But it kills time, and I have too much of that now.

Well, second journal post in a day? My, this is unheard of! I would like to complain about society and the government for NOT GIVING ME MY MONEY! I WANT MY PAYMENT BITCH! How can I afford any alcohol with only 50 kr? D; And of course, I need new CDs and I'm such a consumer whore. But whatever, I like coffee and chocolate, and I really like A Shot in the Dark, which I could need right now for I am feeling rather blank. Pointless feeling, but nonetheless, I am feeling it.

Now I'm listening to Sonic Youth. Very chill music indeed. I like them. I actually like their latest CD. <3 I got some money now, so life is good. My room looks like a mess, I didn't write anything on my norwegian thingy because my... oh God, I forgot the word. Umm... it has something to do with... stuff, that you write? Fuck. No, not that word. Imaginary? Imagination? Inspiration? THAT'S THE ONE!

Well, I've talked to a friend of mine, and suddenly my body doesn't seem all fucked up anymore. Thank GOD! I mean, I was a bit worried for a few days here, but now she put my head straight and things are good. I'm a tad tired still, and I have a feeling my iPod doesn't have a lot of battery on itself, but I think Fafa can live through tomorrow. And if she doesn't I'll be very sad, and I won't let her go on that date with Koko my headphones! =O

Ugh. I'm feeling all... calm. I don't like feeling calm, there should be a storm going on and my head should be fighting my body and my voice should be telling them both to shut up or she'll eat so much chocolate that all parties will hate her. Or my body should we so mad with the head that she'd ruin her hearing with loud music and uck. I'm writing crap now simply because I want to write and I'm having the itch but I can't think up anything smart to write, God this is a load of bull. Whatever. Now we can all indulge in my boredom and think up stupid animals. Like a crossover between a goat and a seagull.

No, really, Argh describes me at the moment. I've tried everything possible to make myself feel happy and shit, but I always end up going "ARGH!" So now I'm out of ideas and reading about the Minoan Civilization. Quite interesting even though it doesn't appear like the archeologists have any fuckin' idea what they are talking about.

"Uuuh, there might have been people here for 4000 years ago!"

Thank you, that helped a lot Mr. Evans.

I made a pair of earrings yesterday, and then I wanted to draw, but I didn't want to draw on paper so I pulled out all my make-up and went crazy with it. I tried to draw a mask on myself. It was funsies. Got my mind of how disturbingly long this year is going to be. Stupid school is drowning me with homework and shit. It makes me feel quite sad. But I have my coca cola light in a plastic bottle, gently nuzzled and taken care of my little gnomes.

My fanfiction is on a pause. I can't think of anything to write, or rather, I can't make myself type down what I'm thinking because at the moment all my delightful thoughts are being fucked up by other thoughts. Stupid maddafakka.

ANYWAYS! KRISTINE <3 Yes, I've decided that this little journal thingy I have going on here is going to be dedicated to you (mostly xP). How may you ask? Well, I'll write all the pointless shit you're missing at Katta. Because OH MY GOD it's boring like a mother. >_<; They are giving us such a shit load of homework and tasks and God, I hate them all ;_;  But yes, Pararølp was like, two days ago. I wasn't there, I went to Fredrik's mimrekveld instead. But anyways, Emil, Ida, Anniken and Nora supposedly got DRUNK! xD And Raymond, but I haven't gotten all the details yet, I'll get them on Monday and then I'll type in all the gossip here. Muhahahahaha! Hate me, please? >P

Oh my! I've been sucked in! I never intended to be sucked into this wonderful world of live journals that I have been delicately stalking for a good year or so. This is highly depressive I must add! I have succumbed to... ah, what's the word? Curiosity? Pleasure? Angst? Wizard Angst?

Hmm, yes, I have a fever. It's quite annoying having a fever, it leaves you feeling like all the tiny-whiny-bitsy-partsies of your body are trying to run in each direction leaving your head on a silver plate to be crushed so that the giant can eat it. But at the same time, the moment the temperature drops you feel very fresh again, dirty and sick of course, but you get new ideas, ideas you've never had before and the state where you're not aware of what is real and what is not has passed. For yes, when I was trying to sleep yesterday (with quite a high fever) I had difficulties deciding if I was in my bed or still wandering along Carl Johan. I hate it when that happens, it's so disturbing, and your memories become all fucked up for everything just blends together.

Fevers are actually quite interesting. Not because of what they do to the human body, but how one single thing like a fever can make your entire body feel like a whole bunch of mud, which I suppose is what it does to the human body, so that is in a way interesting. And then when you finally fall asleep you lose all aspect of time... Ah, I don't think I have to say anything more about this; it's obvious that it intrigues me even though it is highly painful and all that jazz.

I don't really have anything to say today, except: Banana's are cool. They're yellow and they don't taste all that bad. Who would have guessed! =O